Depression, frustration, inferior…these are amongst the words thats lingering my mind since yesterday.
The academic result for sem1 was out, and it turn out not so good for me..thinking about blaming others, blaming facts I cant control, blaming situations I’ve been in, blaming things I’ve done..but I do realize, pointing fingers wont solve the fact I failed to achieve 3.00 for my GPA.
Actually, today, I’m supposed to bring my brother and some friends to batang kali and enjoy ourselves some hot bath in the hot spring there..but I woke up this morning feeling sooooo low, I wish nothing else than just suffer myself training on parkour to ease up the tension built. Yeah..hope sweating will lighten it up a little..hopefully
Some times when these times do come, I usually give out “yer la, ko buat keje dakwah..handle usrah..gi program..tu yang ko takder mase nak blajar macam member2 ko yang lain..,” but things will just sudden strike me with what Musab Sahrim once said: “dakwah jangan dijadikan alasan kita tak excel dalam academics…sebab tuh memang tanggungjawab kita..dua2 nya tanggungjawab..so both have equal priority..”
When I reflect myself, its not about my activism that lags me behind..it never was..infact, I see a direct proportional line between my academic achievements and my involvements in jamaah’s work. Maybe I didn’t strive hard enough during my previous semester handling usrah, maintaining good relationships with ikhwahs, making jamaah’s program big priorities..even taking care of my parents..i see many things I should have done, but took the other path instead
We are given choices, our takdir was never rigidly set that’s that..but we’ve been given choices to do or not to do..and hopefully, I have that better understanding of what’s priority and what I should just stay away from..I have a big agenda..A VERY BIG UMMAH'S AGENDA TO SETEL…
And time is running out..
p/s:nantilah tulis pasal PPN, tak der mood giler